Navigating Relational Challenges: Ambivalence and Mindless Attention in Romantic Relationships

The quality of our lives is greatly shaped by the quality of our closest relationships, such as with our romantic partners. When these relationships are satisfying, they can buffer us from the challenges of life and help manage difficulties situations. However, sustaining high quality relationships is not easy, even for the happiest of couples. The present dissertation examines two key challenges that romantic partners commonly face over the course of their relationship. Specifically, in two parts, it examines (Part I) how people experience ambivalence (i.e., both positive and negative feelings) towards a partner and (Part II) the implications of mindless attention (i.e., being inattentive in partner interactions) for relationship quality and partner perceptions. By using experimental, daily diary, and longitudinal assessments, the studies in the present dissertation examine how ambivalence and mindful attention is experienced in daily life, in moment-to-moment interactions, and over time, advancing understanding of two key challenges couples face in their relationship, and the implications for personal and relational well-being. We found that 1) people struggle with the mixed feelings toward their partner, but primarily when explicitly feeling torn between their evaluations, 2) these mixed evaluations have implications for the quality of the relationship and for personal well-being, but 3) these implications for relationships are not always destructive, and 4) these feelings of ambivalence are sensitive to situations that are threatening to the stability of the bond. Further, we found that 5) distracted attention due to technology can undermine relational quality, but 6) that this vulnerability may particularly occur in contexts of heightened stress, and 7) that people who are more mindfully attentive in their relationship may benefit in that they form less exaggerated estimations of their partner’s negative emotions during conflict. Overall, while research on ambivalence and mindful attention is still young within relationship science, we hope to have contributed new and nuanced insights into how people experience these common challenges in their relationships.